Heal your wounds

Source: The Hitavada      Date: 19 Nov 2017 11:14:13

Q. I am 21 years old girl. I am studying Science. Since I was a little kid my dad used to physically abuse me. He used to yell at me and thrash me very badly. Whenever I think about it I still feel very scared and it messes up my mind. I am not able to calm my mind, because thoughts of my past still overpower me. My father doesn’t stay with me now, but still I feel that past physical abuse is following me. I cannot find my inner peace, though I want to be happy like other people. Do I need counselling.

Ans.Yes of course counselling will help you heal your past wounds and recover emotionally. The existence of past memories laden with negative emotions, keep brewing inside your unconscious and subconscious mind and further generate negative emotions in the present. Even though your father has left the house his behaviour follows you and haunts you thus disturbing your mind perpetually. A wounded mind needs healing and if it doesn’t help by itself in fair amount of time, you need to consciously work on it with the help of a psychologist. If you are looking for inner peace and happiness, take a few sessions of regular counselling. You will see the difference. It is a wonderful method that works without the help of medicines. Ketan

Q. I am 21 years old and stay in a Nagpur hostel, as my parents live far away in a village. From childhood I stayed away from them. Previously it was fine, but now I am facing problems of over-thinking and mood swings. I feel lonely at night and I always keep myself surrounded by my friends. I don’t know what to do, how do I keep calm and be happy.

Ans. It is possible that hostel life makes you feel homesick as this is the first time you are away from home. But you are there for a purpose for studies and to make a life. It is nice to know that you are employing the support of friends to keep loneliness away but that is not working enough for you. You would need to build up your inner resources, such as, confidence, positive thinking, control of negative emotions and the capacity to enjoy your solitude. At most times, you are your best company and that needs to be understood and tried out. You love your parents and your family and that is nice to know but there are sacrifices to be made in life which is a reality. You won’t get whatever you desire and hence need to grow up and grow out. Harsh

Q. I am 24 years old and I was dating a girl for 2 months, when I cheated on her. But I felt so terrible that I immediately admitted my mistake and asked her to forgive me. She was very upset and said she will be able to do it. After initially keeping away, we now talk daily but she does not want me back in her life. I love her a lot and I know I will never cheat her again, but I’m not able to convince her. Please help.

Ans. You have acted courageously by telling her the truth. But you did not realise that she might be terribly hurt to this extent to break off. It is a good habit to be honest and truthful to your friends and the one you love specially. But you also need to explore the weakness of your mind that made you act foolishly on impulse. You might need to understand this strange part of your mind too. As far as this girl is concerned with some passage of time she might realise the value of your honest confession and forgive you. You might have to wait for her moods to change and to be ready to forgive you. She will eventually forgive you and accept you. If you are truly serious about a future with her, convey the message to her that you are waiting for her and she may take her own time to forgive and forget. That might test your patience and your love for her too!


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■ By RITA AGGARWAL (Consulting Psychologist) Heal your wounds The columnist can be reached at B/301, Shat -Tarka Aptts, Surendra Nagar, R.P.T.S Road, Nagpur, or on 7719975840, 2220250 and 2223322. She can also be reached at [email protected] and can be visited at www.rita-psychologist.com)