Stop the violence

Source: The Hitavada      Date: 05 Nov 2017 12:54:46

Q. Since last two- three years, I have developed the problemof over-thinking things. A continuous cycle of unwanted thoughts remain in my mind all the time and despite trying, I’m unable to get rid of them. It is affecting my studies and I have lost my concentration even though my exams are near. I have tried methods from the Internet, but they have nothelpedme.Please suggest me ways to overcome over-thinking. Do I need counselling or psychotherapy? Please suggest. Ans. Yes youwould need counselling and therapy for your problem of over-thinking. This can happen due to many reasons and it would be important to know the real cause of this problem. Two or three years is actually a very long time to suffer such a malady and the earlier you get it treated the better. No wonder your studies are affected because of this prolonged disorder of over-thinking. Try methods such as relaxation/ meditation and yoga where you learn to ‘still’ the mind of all thoughts. Try to think positive thoughts as much as you can. Sit in the company of happy and positive people of your age and do not sit alone as the thoughts may increase while alone. Indulge in sports and games and be active. If all this doesn’t please do not hesitate to seek counselling.

G T

Q. I am 20-years-old and in a relationship. My boyfriend had a girlfriend before me, but broke up with her for me. But the girl continues to talk to him like before, despite knowing about me. She even abuses him, but he listens quietly. I told him to tell her about us, but he refused and still talks to her. I can’t control my feelings and can’t concentrate on studies. Ans. This is a tricky situation. Your boyfriend continues to chat with his ex-girlfriend and this bothers you. What is it that bothers you? Do you feel he will get back to her or that he will cheat you behind your back or are you jealous of her and cannot manage your emotions? Are you afraid of losing him and therefore suffer. I would suggest that you control your emotions, try to figure things out within yourself and allow this situation to go on for some more time. You will soon realise your limitations and your levels of tolerance and would help you take a decision to continue or quit. Till then do not suffer but look at the situation from a rational and objective perspective so that you prepare your mind for the future course of action.

M K

Q. Something is not okay with my husband. He gets angry over small issues and tries to beat me and abuses me, now now I am worried for my future. I have a child and have been married for five years. His problem was small earlier, but now it has become bigger and worse. I tried talking to his mother and father and they say that he is a good person and that I should not make him angry. They say that I should do as he says and I should keephim pleased and happy.What should I do? Ans.You should not tolerate an abusive relationship for the violence will not stop but will escalate if you do not retaliate and scare him. You should worry about your future for you have a child to take care of and domestic violence impacts the mental health of children as well as adults. It will impact your personality as well gradually. You cannot go on pleasing the husband endlessly –he also has responsibilities which he should take on and also be responsible for his own behaviour. You cannot be blamed for his violence- this logic is nonsensical and absurd. He is responsible for his behaviour and report him to the “bharosa” cell of the police if theviolencedoesnotstop.You should seriously try ‘marriage counselling’ before you take matters to the police door.

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The columnist can be reached at B/301, Shat -Tarka Aptts, Surendra Nagar, R.P.T.S Road, Nagpur, or on 7719975840, 2220250 and 2223322. She can also be reached at [email protected] and can be visited at www.rita-psychologist.com)