Be a volunteer and be purposefully employed

Source: The Hitavada      Date: 21 Jan 2018 11:35:15


By RITA AGGARWAL (Consulting Psychologist)


Q. I am 24 years old guy. I am in love with my cousin. I feel terrible to even say this, but it happened two years back when we met. She has no clue that I have these feelings and I know I am not supposed to feel this way, but I couldn’t help. She is very pretty and kind. I love her. She is not my first cousin, but she is somehow related to my family. I feel that something might go wrong if my parents come know about it. I am from Hindu background so I know this can never happen. Please suggest as to how I can get over it.

Ans. Oh dear! Let it be part of your secret recesses of your mind and let it not be ever known to her or to the public. Let it not come to your lips ever. Keep it safely locked in your heart and throw away the key. Be good to her and help her whenever you can but start looking at her as a sister if you can. Never make this your choice for romance. She is part of your extended family and treat her as such. You will unnecessarily create a chaos in the family and upset everyone with your emotions. So change the colour of your emotions. XYZ

Q. I am 28 years old female. I think I am a lesbian as I like girls. I think it all started when I was young and going through adolescence. My parents know about this and they tell me that it’s a sin to be with a girl. I want to get married to a girl, but since it’s a taboo, people will say ill things about me, which will affect my parents. I love my parents a lot and I don’t want them to feel humiliated, but I can’t imagine myself being married to a guy and if that happens, I will kill myself and die. I think my parents should talk to counsellor to accept that this is a normal thing and nothing is wrong with my mentality.

Ans. Yes, you should first come for a session of counselling and then bring your parents too. Let us first understand the problem in detail and come to a conclusion before we declare it to your parents. You may want to try counselling to change your orientations and give it a serious try. You may be bisexual for all you know.

Q. I am a 58 years old man. I was working as a teacher. It was very good. My life was amazing everyone used to respect me and love my work. I was always praised and a muchsought after teacher till my retirement. Now I stay at home with nothing to do. I have no work. I feel bored. I feel like this boredom is only my partner now. Even my wife passed away a few years ago. I don’t know what to do. I have no work, but still I have money which I saved while working and that will be sufficient for my life time. What should I do as I get all the negative thoughts in everything I do. How can I make myself busy and make this negative thinking go away?

Ans. My opinion is that active people never retire and should not too. They should actively contribute to society either with monetary returns or without returns. They have wisdom and experience on their side and also enjoy good health for many years after retirement at 58 years of age. You are young, active, energetic and a teacher by profession which means you have knowledge of a specific subject. Use that knowledge for the benefit of other, may be kids in the neighbourhood. You could start coaching children free of cost or with a small fee. As the activity grows you could raise your fee. You could also contribute your time as a volunteer to a social work organisation on a specific project of your choice. Lots of social work organisations need volunteers for their projects. You could also start a educational activity in the slum areas free of cost. There are many schools run by the local corporation and you approach them. Once you are gainfully employed your negative thoughts will automatically vanish! Best of luck to you!.













By RITA AGGARWAL (Consulting Psychologist) 

The columnist can be reached at B/301, Shat -Tarka Aptts, Surendra Nagar, R.P.T.S Road, Nagpur, or on 7719975840, 2220250 and 2223322. She can also be reached at [email protected] and can be visited at