I resolve…yes…err

Source: The Hitavada      Date: 03 Jan 2018 11:47:51


By biraj dixit,

It is hardly the time of year to look back. The year has just started and all one should do is look forward. There is no question of looking back unless you are yet reeling under the hangover of the previous year’s drunken stupor. Drunkenness, they say, can come in varied forms. And like most sensitive souls I can also get drunk on agony.

Looking back is a very unwholesome task and yet as the year approaches its end and the new dawn arrives, one does tend to look back. The promises that lost steam midway, the assurances that did not live up to its surety and the deadlines that extended themselves into the next year have a way of haunting you, leaving a bitter taste in the mouth despite the monument of excuses created. I have come to a conclusion that despite my free-spirited, ‘no-resolution’ approach to new years, I have this agonising love for looking back so as to agonise myself further.

I mean though I try never to pick up any stray thought as my new-year resolution, I end up resolving on so many things. Personally, I have never bothered to think about those vainglorious things like good health, perfect shape, less calories and fat-free food. But human society hardly believes in upholding Nature’s diktat. With a much diminished sense of fair play, it has coined words like portly, heavy, fat, gaining pounds and obese and with equal disregard for sentiments, has given a few evenly-formed and recently-trimmed people power and conviction to denounce others by exclaiming, “Wow! With the steady gain of weight you surely have some to throw around,” or pose an innocent-looking deadly missile “What diet plan are you following?” Here, I must warn you that in our present societal set-up, there is no place for the very innocent and very truthful answer to that question. You dare not say ‘nothing.’ It is uncouth, unsophisticated and unacceptable. Everybody who is anybody ought not to say ‘nothing’ to the questions around which much of human concern and conversation is based, around which people’s vitality is judged and around which a million dollar industry runs. Oh, no, you cannot say ‘nothing’.

At times like these, what you can do is invent something suitable to save the day. Recollect all your science lessons on balanced diet and blurt out an answer. I happened to go a step ahead and declared it as my New Year resolution to lose a few kilos. That was a year back. Now, after gobbling down a year full of wholesome meals and adding more to my lovely self, I can sense that bitter taste in my mouth. How can I resolve on such a thing? Worst still, I declared it to the world! Such a bitter taste in the mouth! So bitter was it that I was forced to eat chocolates to end it. Oh! I condemn this world of prejudice. Rather than losing my fruitfully gained kilos, I would do something to end this injustice. See, how quickly resolutions come to me!

The previous year, I had also resolved never to buy anything that was unnecessary. I was, of course, coaxed into making such an arbitrary resolution. My husband pointed out to me hundred things that he thought were unnecessary and, caught off guard I could find no presentable, logical answer on the spur of the moment to denounce his assumption. In a fit of rage, I announced that I would never ever buy anything that I thought is unnecessary, thinking he would back down.

He did not. So my resolution had to stand its ground. But I, too, am smart. Though I have never been to a law school, I know a thing or two about making rules. You usually incorporate something that remains arguable for eternity. My arguable clause was “anything that I think is unnecessary.” Now, after a year I again stand before my husband and my resolution. After attending to the onslaught of sale in the market, I resolve to defend myself well. Reminding very curtly of my resolution, he points at the world that I have bought.
“Point a single thing to me that you think that I think is unnecessary.”

He looks at me defeated. I rest my case.
But in the heart I do know I have failed to keep my promise. Perhaps, that fourth lipstick was indeed unnecessary. Ah! my agony! The fourth lipstick will torment me for quite a while, I tell you.

Some time back, after a bitterly fought argument in which I was accused of never coming straight to the point, he had again talked me into picking up a resolution. “Why do women use 100 words where only two would have sufficed”, he said. He had blamed the entire womankind and I had to stand up in their defence. So I resolved to be extremely miserly in use of words. That resolution had no chance of survival from the word go. Ignoring all the sentiments, the steam, the contemplation and the consideration that goes into making of a woman’s argument, all one bothers about is the logistical detail, the length and the breadth of it! Ah! Appalling! How can you explain anything, and that too to a man, in two words? That resolution turned out to be stillborn and the agony still haunts.

You might think I am getting too drunk on agony, especially when this is a story of most of the womankind – talked into resolving to be what they are not. You, in your kindness, might wish a completely resolution-free year for me. You are right, why should I bother about a few not kept resolutions and agonise myself further. Henceforth, I resolve never to let anybody talk me into making resolutions.
Oh! Oh! Did I do that again? No…!