Marriage counselling and guidance vital

Source: The Hitavada      Date: 07 Jan 2018 12:18:53


 

 

Q. I am 45-year-old man and I have a daughter who is 22 years old. She had an affair before about which I got to know after I saw her phone. Since then I have become very insecure as I want her to marry a guy whom I like. I think my insecurities are killing my relationship with my daughter and she says she hates me. Though she promised me she will not make a boyfriend now, but still I feel she will again do it. Please help me to develop my relation with her because I don’t want to lose her.

Ans. This is a genuine cause of worry for no parent wants a child to fall for a wrong relationship. 22 years is a young woman and you must respect her intelligence and decision making. You must have given her good education and good enough values to make wise choices in life. The best thing to do is to befriend her and treat her with trust and love. Tell her you respect her choices and her wisdom but that as a parent she should share things with you and engage you in her life. Tell her you worry for her and it is your business to take care of her. This also implies that you should give some freedom of choice to her and to tell her that if chooses a decent and suitable guy you will not object and obstruct. Too much conservatism and intolerance of freedom will not help build relations. We cannot prison up the youth but teach them wisdom and discretion and the power of discrimination.

S S Q. I am 26 years old girl who got married five months back. It was an arranged marriage and I was very happy doing household work which kept me busy. My husband used to take me to dinners and movies. But now it feels like a nightmare. I get up and do work whole day. We don’t go anywhere. My husband is also acting mean and finds faults in everything. He even says that he doesn’t finds me attractive now when five months before he claimed to be madly in love with me. I can’t figure out what I did wrong or what changed him. Please help.

Ans. This calls for marriage counselling and guidance. There must have been incidents which would have upset the equations in the relationship in the marriage. It takes two people to make a happy marriage. Introspection will help you analyse your strengths and weaknesses and make you more sensitive to his emotions and desires. Find out if you have hurt his sentiments or his parents in some way. Find out what went wrong where and when. If it is purely his fault then the trouble is deeper for he may be having either an emotional upset or an attachment outside the home. Actually there could be any number of reasons which need exploring. You should stop crying about the unhappy situation and begin to look for solutions and answers to questions. Be patient however and see if he turns around. Otherwise come for a few sessions of counselling and guidance.

S K Q. I am a 24 years old Hindu guy, in love with a Muslim girl. We first met in freshmen year of college. We instantly bonded and felt the connection. She means everything to me. But now she is getting married. Her parents have selected a Muslim boy for her and I don’t have guts to tell my parents about her, but I don’t want her to get married either. I am stuck between my loyalty to my parents and my love on the other hand. If I choose love, I would have to leave my parents home as they will not accept a girl from a different religion and if I choose parents, I will lose the girl I truly love. Please tell me what should I do.

Ans. I think the answer is obvious and you know it too. You need assurance that you are unable to do anything positive about it- you cannot tell your parents about your love and neither do you want to lose her. However you should understand and accept the fact that she has taken her decision and agreed to marry the choice of her parents. She has done wisely for you are indecisive and submissive. Let her go and find another partner. This relationship has no future.

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

By RITA AGGARWAL

(Consulting Psychologist)
Marriage counselling and guidance vital
The columnist can be reached at B/301, Shat -Tarka Aptts,
Surendra Nagar, R.P.T.S Road, Nagpur, or on 7719975840, 2220250 and
2223322. She can also be reached at [email protected]
and can be visited at www.rita-psychologist.com)