‘Stammering can be cured’

Source: The Hitavada      Date: 14 Oct 2018 11:38:47


 

By RITA AGGARWAL,

 

Q. I am a Class VIII student and I like a girl in my class. We meet in school van. I sent her a proposal and she said No. I am very upset with her reply. Please tell me why she has rejected me? I am a good student and want to make a good career. Now I feel depressed. Please help me.

Ans. There could be many reasons why she said no. I cannot guess as to what would be the real reason. If you know her well, she may not be the type who may want to get into such friendships? She may be a serious-minded student and may not want to be distracted? Her parents may be very strict people and may want to follow their values and principles? She may like you a lot and may talk to you in the bus but may not want to get personal with you? I could think of n number of reasons and which one of them is true is difficult to predict. She may not have rejected you per se but may have clear thinking of her own life and goals and you do not fit into it for the moment? Stop worrying about rejection, for when you propose, you have an equal chance of getting rejected or accepted. So it may be your good luck or a blessing in disguise that you have got discouraged from attempting such a proposal! Anuja

Q. I got married recently and now my husband is not treating me well. He often asks me to go back to my parents. He listens to his parents and they teach him all strange things. Ours was an arranged marriage and I was beginning to like him. He is a good person, but I don’t know why he listens to his parents so much. I have not done anything to upset them. Please save my marriage.

Ans. This is unfortunate that yours is an arranged marriage settled between the two sets of parents and now his parents are acting against you. You must convey this to your parents and ask them to negotiate with them. Tell your parents that you like the boy/your husband and that he is a good guy but is badly influenced by his parents and does not think on his own. His parents are interfering too much and if they leave him alone he may accept you better. It can happen that nothing is your fault but his parents are not happy with your parents and they are taking it out on you. This seems complex but it is not and is actually quite common. Request your parents to find out what they want and to do the needful so that your marriage can work. Another way to look at the situation is that if your husband is not an independent thinker and is dependent on his parents he will continue to be like that until he grows up emotionally and gets weaned from his parents and that takes time. If you can adjust to the situation for some years he may improve and begin to rely on you. If you can win his trust he will trust you too after some years. J K

Q. I have started stammering since a few years. I was a normal child, but had a minor problem earlier. I am shy and cannot make friends easily. When I am asked to speak up in class, I tend to stammer a lot. I hate myself when others laugh and make fun of me. Can I be cured of this?

Ans. Yes, we can help you with your problem of stammering. There is a huge psychological component involved in stammering and if you were a normal as a child then you have developed it on the way due to some reasons. We need to unearth the reasons that caused the stammering and aggravated it. Once we know the reasons for your onset of stammering, we can help you become aware of it and control it totally. You will be able to talk like any other normal child and be happy. People can be cruel with disabilities –just ignore them.

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

RITA AGGARWAL (Consulting Psychologist) ‘Stammering can be cured’ The columnist can be reached at B/301, Shat -Tarka Aptts, Surendra Nagar, R.P.T.S Road, Nagpur, or on 9156582334, 2220250 and 2223322. She can also be reached at [email protected] and can be visited at www.rita-psychologist.com)