Vital to note changes in behaviour

Source: The Hitavada      Date: 16 Dec 2018 11:29:52

Q. Class 10 exam are nearing and my son is not studying seriously. He wastes time and gets angry if I reprimand him. He is a good boy and used to gets very good marks. But since last one year he has changed. His father is short tempered and shouts at him. I am caught between them. Will counselling help?

Ans. If he is a good boy and a good student and is behaving contrary to his general nature since last year, then we would need to explore the reasons for the change in behaviour. It could be so many things that may be upsetting him in his life and surroundings. It is important to note the changes in behaviour and address the matter there and then instead of delaying it for a year or more. The shouting by father does not help at all and may have a negative effect of escalating the negativity. He may be in mild depression which often goes undetected and misunderstood and needs attention. Please bring him for counselling –it will help to identify and solve problem. You could try by giving him a good listening session without being judgmental at all and empathetic and sympathetic. He should be heard and not shouted with anger. Once he opens up with his problems he will be fine. Do not delay as exams are round the corner so to say. ABC

Q. I recently caught my child watching wrong films on Net. He is in the senior class, but how will this impact him? I have still not spoken to him that I know about it and am nervous how should I tell him? Now-a-days it is difficult to scold children and we, parents, fear he will do something harmful. Please advice.

Ans. If you find it difficult to approach the problem bring him for counselling for it can be handled effectively. If you can gather your guts and be patient and kind and understanding instead of being moralistic and aggressive, you could find many details of how when and where he started it and the effects on his personality. Watching porn has many negative effects on tender minds and should be restricted - if he is an adult he is in a better position to handle it. Nevertheless even for adults there are long term repercussions on the personality and moods of the person. Tell your kid to stop it immediately and that could be stated as a law of the house. He has to follow rules set by parents. It is good to be strict about rules and regulations in the house. Anonymous

Q. I read last week in your column about dangers of online chatting. I too have a experience about it. All was going well and I was happy with life that he is a wonderful person and loves me so much. Now I am shocked with his personality. I cannot tell you the facts which I came to know about him. I am so hurt that I feel like ending my life. He is a rascal and has cheated many women. Please help me put my life back together.

Ans. It is traumatic to get cheated and betrayed like the way you have been. Your emotional trauma makes you feel depressed and hopeless and suicidal as well. All this can be dealt with properly if you maintain the right attitudes and approach to life and yourself. He cheated you and he should suffer and go to hell. Why should you destroy your life due to a psychopath? If you look at it from an angle –you could say that you have saved your life in a timely way before more harm could be done to you. He could have gone on for many years and caused more damage to your psyche. It’s time to heal your wounds and time to learn from the episode. All such experiences of life teach you wisdom which you not get from books. It’s a great learning to know firsthand what it feels like to be cheated. No one asks for such experiences but when they happen they leave behind pain, humiliation, bitterness and a lot of wisdom too which is what you should collect. It is not the best way to learn but then when you indulge in dangerous activity and want to take risks in life you should be ready to face the negative consequences too. When people like me write about the dangers of a specific activity wise people listen to the advice. So relax, think realistically and heal yourself and begin a fresh life. I hope you have good goals in life to motivate you and encourage you for a better life. I wish you all the best. Suicide is never an option however hurt you are.

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

By RITA AGGARWAL (Consulting Psychologist) Vital to note changes in behaviour The columnist can be reached at 201, Paramount Heights, 40 Cement Road, Shivaji Nagar Nagpur 440010 or on 9156582334, 2220250 and 2223322. She can also be reached at [email protected] and can be visited at www.rita-psychologist.com)