Be respectful and assertive

Source: The Hitavada      Date: 09 Dec 2018 11:26:33


 

By RITA AGGARWAL,

 

Q. I am working in this company for several years. I was asking for promotion for two years and now I am frustrated with it. I don’t feel like going to work and feel tired and bored. I don’t have any other job and I cannot leave the city due to family responsibilities. Please advise.

Ans. Many times you may feel stuck in life and the situations around you. You may begin to feel hopeless about the situation and fail to maintain your optimism. However remember that life does offer many opportunities and you see them only when you keep your eyes and ears open to possibilities and maintain a peaceful mind. This means that if you maintain your equanimity of mind through a tough situation, it will pass and you will begin to see a ray of light sometime soon. If you allow yourself to get into pessimism and depression, your perception of life will be dark and hopeless. In such conditions you miss out on good possibilities. So relax, keep your job in hand and do your duties well enough with a sense of responsibility and gratitude that you have a job in hand and are not unemployed but at the same time look forward to better times with hope in your heart. You could also consider becoming an entrepreneur if you have an idea and characteristics of one or you might get desired promotion with dedication & sincerity. A B C

Q. My husband has a big ego and thinks that he is always right. He will not take any of my suggestions. It becomes irritating at times as I am a businesswoman. He discounts all that and likes to boss over me. I am fed up of him though I try my best to take care of him. I am a very tolerant person, who upholds family values. How should I handle him?

Ans. This is both a cultural as well as a psychological problem. Culturally men think (especially husbands) that they are superior to women and know better in everyday matters of decision making and opinion making. Even though you have a career which you manage well you say, he devalues you and your opinion and imposes his own. The psychological aspect of such issues is that your husband may be secretly jealous of you and your talents and may feel insecure with your success which becomes an unconscious reason for domination. The domination is to pull you down and degrade you to get a sense of superiority and satisfaction. Such processes are actually unconscious or can even be conscious in nature where men discuss strategies among themselves to keep their women in place! It is a very common practice when men seek advice from other traditional men of methods of control of the women in the house. This is again cultural issue. You need to balance it to somewhere by respecting him duly as well as asserting yourself and not agreeing to whatever he says. But make sure that you do not nag him but use proper methods of communication. XYZ

Q. I love a girl in my class. She is very intelligent and very popular too. In fact everyone likes her and wants to be her friend. I want to attract her attention. How should I do that? How should I tell her that I like her a lot.

Ans. Oh dear! I do not specialise in methods of manipulation and attracting people! But this is an interesting need of yours! I wonder what help I can offer you- maybe you could excel in something too like her –if she is the topper you could also find an area of talent of yours and work hard to excel in that- be it sports or stage theatre, singing, dancing, or compering presentations or on stage. Another way is to build your social skills and your verbal communication skills and say things which attract her attention. Alternately you could send her a written communication but be careful what you write for it should not backfire! Send her a greeting card and a rose without a name which will raise her curiosity! Try different ways for there is no fixed way to do so. I wish you all the best in your adventure.

 

 


 

RITA AGGARWAL

(Consulting Psychologist) Be respectful and assertive The columnist can be reached at 201, Paramount Heights, 40 Cement Road, Shivaji Nagar Nagpur 440010 or on 9156582334, 2220250 and 2223322. She can also be reached at [email protected] and can be visited at www.rita-psychologist.com)