Brown is beautiful

Source: The Hitavada      Date: 25 Feb 2018 12:06:53


 

EMOTIONS

BY RITA AGGARWAL

AD

 I am 15-year-old girl in Class X and good in studies. Previously, I was very confident, but now as I’m growing up, I am not satisfied with the way I look. I have a dark skin tone and my friends tease me using different names. Though I know it is in jest, I feel very hurt whenever someone picks on me for my colour. I do not feel beautiful in my own skin. Part of me is always sad and insecure. I d o not even talk to boys in my class thinking that they will not like me or talk to me because I have dark skin. I am very ashamed to go in family parties and functions too. I want to be fair and good looking. I tried many creams which my mom uses, but nothing is working. Please help me become confident and happy again.

Ans. This is an unfortunate stereotype created and perpetuated by our society and culture. It gets reinforced by the cosmetic industry. It is also a hangover of our colonial past. We need to be proud of our skin colour whether light brown or dark brown. Indians are called ‘browns’ the world over and that is fine. Be proud of your skin colour and change your thinking. Be positive about yourself. Build your confidence and your skills in different areas. You are just a student and have a long way to go. Make a great career for yourself and be proud of yourself. In most careers ‘physical looks’ don’t matter and are required in very few careers. Do not be surprised if I tell you that the highest paid ‘model’ in the world today is a ‘black’ woman, which means she is an African American!

M D

I am 22-year-old girl and highly addicted to music. As soon as I get up, I listen to songs till its time to go to sleep. I listen to music in my house, car and even around friends. Due to this, I miss half the conversations around me. My exams are near, but whenever I sit to study, I want to listen to music. This habit is troubling me now. I cannot concentrate as I keep humming the songs. I don’t know how to control this habit, Please guide me with some tips.

Ans. Keep your radio, mobile, whatever you use to listen to music, under lock and give the key to your mother. Do away with the instrument itself if you have poor self control. Giving it up for just one month will be worth it. You could try the ‘one day at a time’ technique which is used by alcoholic and smoker addicts. In this technique, tell yourself that ‘you will not listen to music today’ and let the day pass. Say this again the next day and the subsequent days. These are setting short term goals and achieving them. Try it.

SS

I am 27-year-old guy and dating a girl since last 5 years. We always wanted to get married, but now she doesn’t want to. She is moving to Madrid and we are on the verge of breaking up due to work. I cannot leave her nor can I be in a long distance relationship with her. I tried to divert my mind in the company of other girls, but I cannot forget her. I c annot shift to Madrid, but want things to work out for us.  

Ans. This is truly an unfortunate situation. However it is best not to get worried about it but to see how life behaves with you. Even if she moves to another country you could keep in touch with her with an open and friendly mind and gradually you could adjust your mind to her going away. Situations like this are really difficult to handle in a simple way and there is no formula to manage it. It is strange that she should break the commitment after five long years but life is like this- very unpredictable and stranger than fiction. Drain your emotions by various methods and after some time find someone to marry and settle with. It could be arranged by your parents. It is better to be in a committed relationship than being alone and suffering.

(The columnist can be contacted at B/301, Shat -Tarka Aptts, Surendra Nagar, R.P.T.S Road, Nagpur, or on 9156582334, 2220250, 2223322. She can also be reached at [email protected] and can be visited at www.rita-psychologist.com) ■