Should Parents Go Easy With Their Kids

Source: The Hitavada      Date: 28 Feb 2018 12:03:31


By urmila meshram

*Parenting is for a lifetime.* We can’t define it for a certain limit, or we can’t use it to fulfill our own requirements. If we do so, we will not be a parent anymore.
*Raising a child is not to gain fruits out of it.
* Parenthood is the loveliest part of our entire life; some get this opportunity very early and easily, some very late with lots of worship. As everybody talks about parenting that it is highly respectable and so, honestly, it’s true and acceptable. But somehow, I would like to share a black side of it, which is buried under our culture.
Yes, parents are respectable. But does anyone think that because of who do we become parents? It is definitely kids. They give us lots of love and, uncover many emotions in us. I believe that if we are giving birth to a baby, then they are also giving birth to us, as parents. Without kids, we are not a parent. I am a mother of two kids. I always feel that, how much my kids love us; their day starts with us and ends with us. Both my children are awesome and they deserve more than what I am giving them.
Presently, I am living in Japan. I have stayed in many countries and I am, always eager to understand parenting around the world. Many times, I just observe them as to how do they behave with kids. And I am really impressed! As compared to Indian parents; they are not raising children, they are raising adults. Japanese are very particular about their kids, until the age 14. AFter that they give full freedom, and they respect their kid’s decisions. They have no expectations but they never retire as a parent.
In India, our kids are nearly always dependent on us. As they become adults and responsible, they want their freedom for everything, they don’t want to follow the rules laid down by parents, but parents insist - sometimes for their ego satisfaction, or social status, or just because they want to follow culture.
My cousin is living abroad. Three years earlier, when her parents visited her in Canada during her pregnancy, they weren’t ready to visit her in the hospital to see the newly born. Why? Because she was not giving them a chance to enjoy sightseeing; they were fighting for stupid things and forced her to do so as per their wish as they had raised her. In other word, they were asking for the price of parenting. Somehow, she failed to fulfill their demands as she herself was in a critical situation because of her pregnancy. Finally, they broke relations with her in a very disagreeable manner; all the other siblings also broke the relations under the influence of parents, without knowing the real facts. Her mother went back to India when she was in the hospital. They did not stop here and they told people that they were not given fed. But as per my knowledge, her mother was cooking when she was hospitalized. They never realised what they did, as social sympathy was only with them and they were proudly saying that they do have other kids to satisfy them, and their elder daughter has died for them.

When I was informed about this, I first laughed and then I became speechless. When I discussed this with my own parents , my parents found nothing wrong in the behaviour of the cousins parents. Fortunately I stopped the argument but even now I feel bad thinking about that incident.
Will I become a parent like them is what bothers me a lot?
I can understand the mentality as they are trying to hide their faults by attacking her verbally, and people easily believe in them as they are parents and our society has lots of stories about old aged parents being abused by their children and so on. They set an example for other kids of the entire family. No one is ready to dig the truth which is hidden under such parenting.

One of my known friend’s mothers, when nothing works on her son, calls and complains to relatives and his friends. People believe in her stories as they do know her from a long time, and they believe that kids always behave badly with parents. She has nicely taken advantage of this to fulfill her every demand. My mind is always stuck with this and asks questions to me that, will I be a mother like her? Why do I love my kids more than myself, if I will become like her in future? Is this what we call parenting? Indian parents want to control their children’s lives because our social culture allows them to do so and it becomes a tradition.

Love marriages are still a very sensitive topic in our society. Recently I read that in Haryana, a couple was killed by the girl’s parents. Such types of honour crimes are very common. But how do parents go to this limit for their own kids? How come parents prefer such crime rather than their kids happiness?We can consider ‘dowry’ as a bad practice of parenting in our society. Sons are seen as assets, while girl children are not preferred by most parents, because of the dowry system as it is still functional. If parents raised their sons as the future income source with much expectation from his marriage, and unfortunately, if the boy falls in love with a poor girl then we can just imagine the condition of those parents and harassment of that newly-married girl. Is this parenting or business? Why do we fail to understand the happiness of our child? Raising a kid is not business. We are actually hiding the dirty practices of parenting, behind our so-called traditions.

We are talking about parenthood, but not discussing the adult parenthood, which is more important than just parenting if we want to make a change in our society. Why are we putting so many burdens on our children? Don’t they have their own life? Or do we forget that, they are still a part of our life? We achieve many things only because of them. If we sacrifice, they do sacrifice for us, and they adjust in whatever we provide them. I don’t think that any child complains that my mama papa did not give me this or that. They adjust, understand, and even support sometimes. They provide us with good energy. In some families, an elder child is the second parent for younger children. They are helping us with our household chores, we enjoy our family life with them, and they are our lifelines. Then how could we forget this all? Why is the child’s happiness not our first priority? Definitely, an aged parent is the responsibility of kids, but we should not forget that parenting is for a lifetime. It is the parent’s right to understand their kids first. If the kids behave well, then they are rewarded, but if they didn’t, we can’t ask them for the price of parenting. Rather, it’s our fault if our kids behave badly with us or ignore us. If they are not showing any respect for us, it means that we have failed in parenting. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, so why only blame kids?
The journey of parenthood comes with lots of scarifies, andit is a comfortable, easy journey until our kids are kids, but it becomes even more difficult with our age and matters related to our elder children. There is nothing worse than this that parents are not behaving like a parent for their own kids.

What type of parents we want to be, depends solely on us and how we treat our kids. l