Walk away

Source: The Hitavada      Date: 01 Apr 2018 11:01:55


 

BY RITA AGGARWAL,

Consulting Psychologist

S ometimes you feel so irritated with the other that you could bang him/her on the head and regret it later.You might want to expose the stupidity of the other in front of the group. You might like to get even with the other by calling the concerned members and narrating the incident. But many times it may not be the wisest thing to do. For whoever thought that people are generally logical in thought and action at work are totally wrong. Whoever thought that reason rules the mind of intelligent leaders and hence become leaders, err in their thought process.

Most times emotions rule the roost and deeply embedded prejudices take upper hand and show up prominently in stupid reactions. There are hidden conflicts and ego battles that surface through the irrational behaviour. Ms X felt the issue is important and needs to be addressed. But her experience says that the person on the chair is hot-headed and may go illogical in discussions. Huge amounts of energy would be required to explain the details back and forth to the other committee members and debate on ‘who said what and how she said it’.

She discussed it with a friend and her opinion was that this was a voluntary organisation and all the work was voluntary and no one being paid. So it did not matter in a significant way and hence should be dropped. Raising the issue was no doubt important but she had to decide whether it was worth the energy and time to do so. ‘Do not pick the issue’ said the wise counsel and the matter was settled in her mind as she decided to ‘walk away from the issue’. A teacher prepared the question paper of her subject for the exams and went to meet the principal to discuss the details.

Another official got hurt and irritated at being bypassed. He raised the issue and a battle ensued. The teacher argued back trying to justify her behaviour and felt bitter in the end. She was actually new to the school and did not recognise most employees there. Later her well-wishers told her that the gentleman Y was a rough and rude fellow and behaved with almost all in the similar fashion. Their advise was to have ‘let go’ of the matter rather than getting involved. We are not unaware of complex personalities that are skewed up in thought and action in their dealings with others.

They may be competent and skilled on their jobs and make good business sense but behave in a no-sense manner in certain matters. The question my another friend asked me was; is it good to always let go and not to pick the issue for this would lead to losses in functioning of the organisation and would do more harm than good? This was a tough call and she was however right that issues need to be addressed and sorted out for better understanding and future clarity in communication.

The flip side is that if we become sensitive to each and every discord /conflict and cannot resolve it in creative ways (other than discussing it out) life would become miserable so to say. We would spend great amounts of time, energy, money in doing this and feeling stressed out too.

A mid aged gentleman confessed that his problem was that ‘he was used to making a mountain out of a molehill’!! Giving examples he illustrated how he dwelt on one issue that struck his mind and then kept on brooding over it till it become a scary monster! He then wanted to do away with it but it had gripped his mind firmly by then. He wanted to learn how to stop brooding and to let go of small insignificant issues. A housewife did the same with her mother-in-law; she would blow up tiny insignificant issues to make them loud sounding misconducts which could easily be ignored and dumped in the dustbin. Swami Vivekananda’s famous quote says ‘your mind is not a dustbin to keep all sorts of rubbish stored in it’.

We need to keep our mind clean of negative thoughts and fill it with positive energy that will align us with goodness and serenity. God resides in the heart that is clean and pure in intentions and actions. If we keep reacting to negativity all the time the mind can go crazy and perverted. Of course we need to evaluate the intensity of the situation, the intentions of the communication and its significance in our life. If it is not on your priority list, if your life does not depend on it, if the person is not important to you, one should just walk away from it. You should not hold it in the mind and heart and drop it soon in the trash. This is an art and science as well. A person who has larger and creative goals to pursue, and has the capacity to see the larger picture and if you can be objective about your subjective experiences, then you can ‘let go and walk away’ from non issues, with ease, with no burden on your conscience and consciousness.


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(The columnist can becontacted at B/301, Shat -Tarka Aptts, Surendra Nagar, R.P.T.S Road, Nagpur, or on 9156582334, 2220250, 2223322. She can also bereached at [email protected] and can be visited at www.rita-psychologist.com) ■