Negotiate with parents

Source: The Hitavada      Date: 10 Jun 2018 11:26:11



Q. I was studying in UK for many years and now I have come back to my hometown, Nagpur. It has been very difficult for me to come back and live with my parents again after this time apart. I am too used to my freedom, privacy and living on my own terms. I am finding it difficult to adjust at home. They are constantly nagging me for everything I do and this is making me despise them. What do I do?

Ans. You are right about problems in adjusting. You could try to negotiate with your parents in a way which they understand. When you live with parents they wish to be informed about your whereabouts and your schedules. So it would be better if you inform them what your schedules are going to be like and what is the time you would like to spend at home. Also make it a point to spend some time with them and in a happy manner. Parents like the company of their children and also like to enjoy time with them. They need to be loved and cared for too in reciprocation to caring for you. Engage them in anecdotes of UK and life abroad. If you satisfy their need to be loved and respected I can assure you they might leave you alone for the rest of the day! But you should negotiate that- it is a skill that is helpful- you could try to develop that. D K

Q. I am 32 years old married woman, working as a teacher. I am interested in doing social work. I want to open an NGO or join one, but the place I live doesn’t have any prominent NGO. I am mainly interested in helping women. When I discuss it with my relatives, they don’t take me seriously, but I want to do something for the society. Please guide me ma’am.

Ans. An NGO needs to be registered at the charity Commissioners office and needs a board of directors. Look for a team who can serve on the board and also a team of workers who would be willing to work with you on the field. Take the help of a lawyer who can explain the requirements and get your registration done eventually. Such work is very good and needs to be done in our country. Joining an NGO is also a good alternative. Search for one in your area (you do not mention your city) or nearby and get going. Women empowerment can be done in many ways, by development of skills, education, or micro-credit for small business. Another idea could be running a counselling centre for their personal hassles and family issues. Social support for women is needed and women should stand up for themselves and form a strong collective and community. Unity is strength. Anonymous

Q. I cleared my Class XII (CBSE) with 70%. I had dropped Maths as I was giving NEET. My score in NEET is 250. My parents want me to pursue BAMS. But I don’t want to do it. My family problems demand that I should start earning soon. I want to opt for BCom and prepare for CS privately. After graduation, I can give some banking exams and get a job. After that I can complete my MBA, I will also finish my CS by then. After a year or two of getting a job as CS, I’ll start preparing for CAT to pursue FPM from IIM, this is my plan. But my parents are worried that I wouldn’t be able to handle Commerce since it involves Maths. I was very weak in Geometry though I had good score in Algebra in Class X. My parents feel that I shouldn’t opt for Commerce over Science as its prospects are low. Please suggest me what should I do.

Ans. It is a good plan and you can go ahead with commerce. The maths in commerce is mostly statistics and not higher maths of science. You will be able to do the bit about maths. Please do not do any course that does not attract you. The banking sector after commerce graduation is a great field and they prefer candidates with C.A/C.S or even MBA with finance. You seem to have thought it through and if you are confident you can achieve it I am sure I would repose my faith in you! I wish you all the best!













(Consulting Psychologist) Negotiate with parents The columnist can be reached at B/301, Shat -Tarka Aptts, Surendra Nagar, R.P.T.S Road, Nagpur, or on 9156582334, 2220250 and 2223322. She can also be reached at [email protected] and can be visited at