Introverts are socially inhibited

Source: The Hitavada      Date: 15 Jul 2018 11:42:48

 

 

 

Q. I love my friend secretly. He is a very shy and serious guy and I am the one who initiates the chat. He replies in monosyllables with ‘yes’, ‘hmm’ ‘ok’ etc. Hence I m essage him occasionally. But lately, I’ve noticed him following me online. If I'm online he comes online too and waits for my messages, reads (doesn't replies) then finally goes offline with me. I thought it was a coincidence and changed my timing, but still find him online. What is the reason behind this?

Ans. There could be two reasons for such behaviour- one, he is introverted and hence hesitates to talk with you as a girl. He may be online with other boys whom he is comfortable with. Introverts can be severely inhibited with communication and social interaction with others especially with the opposite sex. This becomes enhanced if there is some emotion in his mind for you. Secondly, he likes you but is not sure of approaching you openly. He may be unsure, afraid or may have taken a decision not to get into entanglements of this nature. Just as you like him secretly he also likes you secretly. So it is a long distance secret game going on and may end up nowhere unless one of you take the initiative and plunge into it headlong. I would advise you against it however! K L

Q. I had a break-up last month which went from bad to worse. We fought bitterly and hit each other too, after which I ended the relationship. But now the guy is apologising and calling me constantly. He has even cried a few times. We had long affair for six years and we were also planning to get married. I feel guilty and depressed and feel lonely and lost too. I don’t know what I should do. Please advice.

Ans. Fighting is indicative of conflicts that swell and go out of control. Too much fighting is not anyway healthy for both of you. Constant discord disturbs the peace of mind and harmony and leads to illnesses gradually. But before you break-up such a long relationship of six years it is important to know the reasons and causes of conflict and whether it is a transactional thing or one of you have anger issues or have an immature personality due to underlying emotional problems. A few sessions of Counselling can help rectify the problem or can make a diagnosis of the situation. If matters are irreconcilable then it would be better to break-up and not get married. If they can be resolved both of you can lead a happy life together. After all six years is no less a term. S S

Q. My friend is suffering from depression and refuses to come for counselling. I know she needs it, but she refuses to acknowledge it. Should I force her to come or let it naturally go away. She is my best friend and I love her like my sister. She is not studying well and cannot tell her parents. Should I tell her parents? But her parents fight a lot and she does not want to trouble them more. Please guide me.

Ans. I am glad you are with her and supporting her at all times. That is like a true friend in need. Yes, your friend needs counselling for her depression and if it has not subsided so far she would need professional help. Normally if anything persists for more than two weeks you should get it treated and not delay. If you can approach her parents and know them well enough, please inform them of her situation and if you don’t know them well enough you could bring her yourself and later tell her parents of the treatment. Her parents certainly need to be informed for they might blame you later on for not informing them. It is always better to be safe with someone’s health and not take risks. Wisdom lies in getting family involved in her mental condition for support for how long will you take the burden – it should not begin to start affecting your health. It does strain and stress you out too. You are doing a great job by being at her side.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

By RITA AGGARWAL (Consulting Psychologist) Introverts are socially inhibited The columnist can be reached at B/301, Shat -Tarka Aptts, Surendra Nagar, R.P.T.S Road, Nagpur, or on 9156582334, 2220250 and 2223322. She can also be reached at [email protected] and can be visited at www.rita-psychologist.com)