Immune yourself against negativity

Source: The Hitavada      Date: 29 Jul 2018 11:14:41


Q. I have a peculiar problem. When I walk, my head automatically bends down and I feel everyone is talking about me. Also I wanted to discuss a pattern. Since Class IX onwards, now I’m in BA 2nd year, I have developed a habit of going to school/college and day dreaming about my goals after coming back, with my headphones on. I’ve failed in Class XII during IIT preparation (just fantasised never really went) and now I want to pursue UPSC. But I cannot break the cycle of dreams and earplugs. I also hate crowd and meeting people.

Ans. This seems to be a problem with your personality. I need more details to come to some sensible conclusion but for sure you would need to discuss more about it. This business of fantasy with no real efforts is a dangerous proposition as nothing comes out of it. It remains at the level of fantasy. With this type of personality the UPSC will go waste as the screening process is a multi-level assessment with a final interview and they look for ‘officer like qualities’. If you hate meeting people I would suggest you consider a change in career selection as the UPSC cadre are smart, confident and people-oriented personalities who have to administer and manage affairs of the state whatever may be the domain.Think about it and come for personality development as well as career guidance. You would need both. S Y

Q. I am appearing for JEE this year. However, my family members, including my mom always de-motivate me about my future, despite me good in studies. We are financially strong as well. Citing competition around us, my mom keeps de-motivating almost 5 times a day along with my family members. How do I deal with this ma’am?

Ans. Well, under such family atmosphere and conditions it is a real challenge for you to prove yourself and your talents and prove them wrong. If you are good at studies and believe in yourself and talents, you should go ahead and aim for the stars. You should take it up as a challenge and immune yourself to their comments. You could get out of home and study in a library or a study centre and do your best. Think positive at all times, meditate and pray and tell them to keep their anxieties to themselves. Tell them, ‘do not worry, we will see’. It’s a tough call with such a family, but laugh and joke about it. Let it not pull you down. All the best to you. XYZ

Q. I am single and in love with a married man having two children. He says he loves me and wants to marry me. My childhood had been very miserable as my parents had failed to give me love. I was alone for many years, until I met him. As I am a deprived child, I expect a lot of love and care, but he does not care for my emotions and when I cry he tells me to consult a psychiatrist. Sometimes he behaves nicely, but mostly he is emotionless, practical and rude. I know I am expecting love from a wrong person, but I have no one else in my life. I also know that he will never leave his wife and kids, but I cannot stay away from him. He is also facing financial problem, as his wife is in control of the money. I h ave left my job and have lost all interest in life. Most of my time is spent thinking about him. What should I do ma’am?

Ans. Many times we hallucinate about love. If it does not exist in reality-it just does not exist. You dream about it and create fantasies but it will not come true. So wake up from your dream and start living your life. A married man with two children and no commitment towards you is a waste of your life. Take up a job, mix with colleagues, make women friends, advertise for marriage and settle yourself properly. Stop running after an illusion. We can convert deprivations into strengths. A few sessions of counselling will surely help you build your life. Accept your loneliness and take positive measures to deal with it and not fatalistic ones.












By RITA AGGARWAL (Consulting Psychologist) Immune yourself against negativity The columnist can be reached at B/301, Shat -Tarka Aptts, Surendra Nagar, R.P.T.S Road, Nagpur, or on 9156582334, 2220250 and 2223322. She can also be reached at [email protected] and can be visited at