Relax your nerves and think

Source: The Hitavada      Date: 16 Sep 2018 11:30:21


 

Q. I love a boy. He is my senior by one year. We are both in junior college and attend the same tuition classes. I am a good student, but now everyone is angry with me. My parents have high hopes from me, but my marks have dropped. I also have high hopes of joining public sector. The boy earlier wanted me to become a scientist and used to talk nicely, but now he ignores me. I cannot focus on studies and have started crying easily. He does not even look at me. I only want him to talk to me like before. What should I do?

Ans. Both of you seem to be good children- studious and intelligent. Both of you have high aims in life and have clear goals of achievement. This is a good thing that you have in common. But he may be more in control of his emotions and habits. If he is a topper and is focused on his studies and future aims, then he may be not interested in the friendship that was developing between the two of you. There could be two explanations- one, he must have seen your emotions and would have decided to quit the friendship, second explanation could be that he himself also feels strongly about you (your presence disturbs him) and realising that he decides to stay away! You would say that this is the most peculiar response but that is how many people react when they have clear priorities in life and are ambitious and motivated as well. Avoid him for some time and show no interest at all and watch the reaction! Don’t despair, get going with studies and ignore him too. TS

Q. My son is showing signs of stress, which is normal for his age. I understand his problem and want him to share with me, but he keeps quiet and does not share anything. I want to help him and have tried many things but failed. He talks to his friends and plays with them but why he is avoiding us at home I do not understand. Please help me help my child.

Ans. You seem to be an anxious mother. For some reason your son does not share with you his personal experiences and thoughts and seems to be showing signs of stress. This is difficult for parents who want to be part of the life of their children. I hope you are not unnecessarily alarmed about his situation which may not be all that bad. Find out from a mature friend of his who will keep the secret of your enquiry. Ask him if he needs help from a counsellor and if he agrees you can be assured that we will take care of him. Sometimes a person may be an introvert who generally do not speak up nor share themselves easily. The second reason could be some unpleasant experience in communication with you which makes him clamp up. A session of counselling is the best solution under the circumstances. ABCD

Q. I am facing lots of problems in our marriage. We have been married for 15 years now and have a son also. My husband has lost all interest in the house and us - he stays in a world of his own. He has become very quiet and is engrossed in his mobile and laptop. I checked his things and have not found anything that is odd. If we interrupt him he gets angry and withdraws further. I am worried and this is affecting me and my son too. Should I come and see you one day? Can you guide me please?

Ans. Yes, you should come and consult me. Your husband might have sunk into depression gradually as that is a possibility at any period of time. A sudden change of behaviour after 15 years of a good married life says something profound. If he is a generally good person and no odd activity is suspected, he must be suffering internally in some way. His anger outbursts and his withdrawal from the family are not healthy symptoms. We should get to the bottom of this fast and treat whatever is bothering him. Meanwhile be polite and kind to him, don’t show anger at him and keep trying to engage him with yourself and your son.

 

 

 


 

By RITA AGGARWAL (Consulting Psychologist) Relax your nerves and think The columnist can be reached at B/301, Shat -Tarka Aptts, Surendra Nagar, R.P.T.S Road, Nagpur, or on 9156582334, 2220250 and 2223322. She can also be reached at [email protected] and can be visited at www.rita-psychologist.com)