Totally App-sessed

 

 

 

 

“Oh My God!” I had started hyperventilating. I wasn’t able to locate my phone. Five minutes had gone by and I hadn’t checked the phone. I could hear faint ‘ping, ping’, which meant that notifications were being received, and now the state of affairs is such that if I don’t check the phone every two minutes, it seems that something major is amiss. I searched frantically for it, like a sniffer dog looking for drugs, I concentrated on the direction from where the pings were emanating, and I was finally able to locate it - it had slipped underneath the mattress, through a gap near the headrest. For all of the five frantic minutes, my better half was chuckling away at my errant behaviour. “All this for a phone,” he chortled, “it’s just a gadget.” Forcing me to contemplate and come to a conclusion, “No, it’s not just a ‘device’ any more. It’s my lifeline.” Remember the days when our phones were, well, just a gadget to receive and send calls - an advanced means of instant communication. Of course, there were times when the ‘instant’ also, in certain circumstances (like receiving overseas calls), turned out to be a game of patience. Fast forward to today, and our phones have become invincible entities that control every aspect of our lives, courtesy of the innumerable apps that form a part of our screen.

 

 

Yes, those very colourful, little icons dotting the home screen that we lovingly swipe and tap have quietly stepped in, shaping each day of our lives. Right from the time we wake up, to the time we bid good night to all and sundry, these phones and the Apps within play a major role in how we wake, up, eat, and even sleep. Our fixation (I speak for most of us ) with the phones now borders on obsession, and if ever the future generations or aliens were to study us, they’d deduce that we were merely fleshy appendages that existed to serve our phones. My day begins with the morning alarm. However, it’s not the ‘triinng’ from that ubiquitous round clock that stood by the bedside of our parents, and was a part of me during my growing up years. Now the alarm is from a sleep-cycle App that I downloaded because I suffer from insomnia, and the App promised that it will gently lull me into the arms of Morpheus with the sound of waves lapping gently on the shore, or sometimes it’s the pitter patter of rain drops. And just as it puts me off to sleep, it tracks my sleep, and then wakes me up at the appointed hour. So, even before I fully open my eyes, I reach to turn off the alarm that says in a musical tone “Rise & shine”, only to be greeted by many other Apps that have started flashing the messages, now that they know I am awake. Veena, my dear friend, I see has sent me a link to Instagram, at 4.45 am, and I know her posts always bring a chuckle. I want to start my day with a smile, and so I click on it.

 

What then follows is a whirlwind of thumb acrobatics as I move from app to app, scrolling through news headlines, checking your emails, and briefly visiting Twitter to remind myself why I need to stay off social media. I realise I’ve been lolling in the bed for 45 minutes peering intently into the phone, it’s clear - the apps have already won the first battle of the day. And then I am motivated by a post flashed by MyFitnessPal that shows a picture of a gorgeous girl, flaunting her toned abs and her post workout glow, and I drag my feet - hoping that one day, some day I can also do the same. As of now, I have to ensure that like all my regular wear even my gym wear is loose, covering my belly. So, naturally it’s time to squeeze in some exercise. Who provides the motivation? Of course, my Fitness App. I have a couple of them - just to ensure that they track each movement that I make - the steps I take, the hands that I raise, the painful lunges and squats or the brisk swimming, thereafter. Now who wouldn’t be encouraged to get into the exercise mode when the App so perkily chirps, “Time to start your workout,” the minute you step out of the house, and tap the App, notifying your readiness for that day’s Left, Right, Left, Jump, Squat, Lunge. As I oblige, begrudgingly dragging myself through a series of jumping jacks and push-ups, all the while my app silently judges me with its relentless timer and heart rate monitor.

 

“Are you sure that’s your maximum heart rate?” it asks, even as I am gasping for breath. Then, at the end of it all, the app cheerily tells you, “Great job! You burned 150 calories!” Only 150 - I squirm - an hour of sheer torture - of course the happy hormones that are released do keep me in good cheer, but the 150 calories is a huge setback. The evil me then thinks, ‘Does the App know that my breakfast - the heaviest meal of the day - might just be a bit over 600 calories?’ You see, MyFitnessPal also measures the food intake, and the calories burnt and accumulated through food. This is the App, that I check for my step count obsessively for the rest of the day. If I don’t huff and puff, and if I don’t reach the 10,000 figure, I fear that my App might just address me as a sloth. Now, I definitely wouldn’t want that - as it is I abhor when people judge me on my weight, it would be blasphemous if my ‘fitness’ is also questioned by none other than my App. By the time it is lunch time, the three Food Apps ( I am not satisfied with only one) Swiggy, Zomato and Uber Eats on my home screen, start sending me notifications - about the specials they are offering that day. My brain goes into a tizzy, too many options, and the greedy me wants to try everything from all the Apps - Chinese, Italian, Street Food, Indian, Mediterranean - if it’s edible, I want to savour it. But the Fitness App frowns at the 12 items in my food cart - “You are way over your calories intake.” It admonishes, and guilt laden me, I end up ordering a healthy salad. The Food App has a mind of its own, it tempts me with notifications, “Order for Rs 100 more to be eligible for free food delivery.” So to be fair to myself, I order a salad, and a dessert, if it’s free delivery, calories can go for a toss.

 

Work is also regulated by the Apps. The calendar keeps track of each and every output from my desk and keeps me on my toes, ensuring that my plans don’t go awry. I do not mind the many notifications from such Apps, for I am a meticulous person, who likes to plan ahead. But then I do mind the ‘weekly screen time reports’ from the phone App. When the phone is an extended appendage, and my lifeline - every little detail of my life is in the phone, please do not remind me that I have exceeded the ‘average time’ of staring at the screen. However, on any typical day, FOMO is at its peak as twilight rolls in. Time to unwind. And what do I do? You guessed it right - pick up the phone, yet again, to ‘relax’ by browsing the social media. ‘Just a quick peek at the Insta account’ becomes a two-hour agenda where I’ve watched 47 reels of dancing dogs, wailing kids, virtually travelled to ‘five best places in Switzerland’, watched innumerable recipes and saved them to my WhatsApp account, tried Tauba Tauba steps failing miserably each time to match the rhythm.

 

All this while, my better half, occasionally looks up from his reading, shakes his head disparagingly, as if to say, “Look at you, a slave to the Apps.” Time to sleep, and at the appointed hour, the melodious chimes remind me that “it's Bedtime.” But hey, I still have to complete my task from Duolingo, else it would berate me the next day for being slack in learning Spanish. I struggle, groggy eyed, with Spanish vocabulary, and after clearing a level, I am allowed to wish Buenas Nochas. The only Apps that I do not have are ‘the dating or finding a soulmate.’ I already have the perfect soul mate, or it could be even a case of ‘Once bitten twice shy.’ The App-ocalypse has now become a permanent fixture of my daily routine. And thus, the app-sessed cycle will continue. Whether it's ordering groceries, managing finances, meditating, or navigating my way through traffic, there’s an app for everything. Sure, they make life easier in theory, but in reality, they’re little tyrants with their own agendas, dictating how we live our lives, minute by minute, notification by notification. So the next time you reach for your phone, just remember: you’re not ‘using’ apps. They’re using you.n