By Biraj Dixit :
WELL! Well! Well! The monsoon is here, finally (unfazed by MET office predictions). The
Men in Blue have finally lifted the unyielding Cup. The economy looks very verdant. But for the
high prices of vegetables and gold and higher traffic
on potholed roads, life seems well-placed. Good
enough for one to sit admiring the misty morning,
sipping choicest of self-made tea and not-so-self
made ‘mathari.’ Alas!
When one is in the unsurmountable depths of middle age in the avatar of a woman, one can’t but feel
uncertain about anyone or anything. By the time one
has reached the middle age and life has taught enough
but not all, anxiety becomes a second nature. So, if
there is nothing to worry about, one feels anxious
and launches a search.
Just like that
Accordingly, I sat in the misty morning worrying
about the still-wet clothes, unmindfully gobbling the
delectable ‘matharis.’ But how much can one worry
about wet clothes in monsoon! I needed something
profound. So, I switched on the television and that
did the trick. Gallons of worries were thrown at me
and I consumed them with as much zeal, becoming
zealous about so many things. There were pros and
cons of anything and everything and I studied the
cons with much zeal. Artificial Intelligence seemed
to be the talk of the town.
I remembered a friend
informing me about the Meta
AI assistant on WhatsApp. I
started chatting with the chatbot learning how much
it can be useful. I indulged in acquainting myself with
it and it seemed as if it too was trying to understand
me. This artificial conversation was so much better
than the real ones. No interruptions and no lopsided
interpretations, no conversational anomalies and no
endless wait for answers, no inane formalities and
no smarting under insults. AI was simply fantastic. I
indulged myself for quite some time as it was answering my questions wonderfully, arming me with all
necessary information in a precise language and
without wasting any time. It was perfect.
But since a woman must worry and scepticism often
feeds worries, I tried to explore it further. For, it was
AI. Can’t be smarter than ME. So, I tried asking it
some cryptic ones.
“What does my husband mean when he
says…‘hummmm?’
The answer it gave surprised me, not for the fundamentals but for the clarity in understanding those.
I have been living with this ‘hummm’ for ages now
but could never have analysed it so clearly. It said,
“When a husband says "humm", it can have different meanings depending on the tone, context, and
relationship dynamics. Here are some possible interpretations:
1. Acknowledgment: A neutral "humm" might mean
he's acknowledging what you said without necessarily agreeing or disagreeing.
2. Interest: A more engaged "humm" could indicate he’s interested in what you're saying and wants
to hear more.
3. Scepticism: A slightly doubtful "humm" might
suggest he's not entirely convinced by what you're
saying.
4. Playful teasing: A light-hearted "humm" could
be a playful way of poking fun at you or the conversation.
5. Disagreement: A more pronounced "humm"
might imply he disagrees with you, but doesn't want
to escalate the conversation.
6. Thoughtfulness: A contemplative "humm" could
mean he's thinking deeply about what you've said
and is considering his response.
Remember that communication is key in any relationship. If you're unsure what your husband means
by "humm", ask him to clarify!’’
…. “Ask husband to clarify”!!!???!!!
See, this is where intelligence gets defeated by ageold wisdom. It offers innocent solutions for well-crafted human problems. The poor chatbot has no clue
that the paramount usage of ‘hummm….’ is for evading the conversation, avoiding being dragged into a
promise, averting any form of discomfort and answering but not.
Then, I increased the degree of difficulty and asked
how can I make my daughter understand that when
we say two minutes, it must usually be 2 minutes.
The chatbot beamed…“A great conversation to have!”
It suggested an “Example script.”
“Hey, kiddo! I've noticed when you say ‘2 minutes,’
it often takes a bit longer. I get it, tasks can take longer
than expected.
Going forward,
let's aim for‘2 minutes’ to really mean around 2 minutes,
okay? I'm here to help you
develop your time-management skills. Let's find a
balance between accuracy and flexibility. How about
we agree on '2-5 minutes' to give us some wriggle
room?" I should have mentioned that I am an Indian
mom and that my daughter will feel lost seeing so
much compassion. Nevertheless, I tried. Listening
patiently, albeit with a raised eyebrow, my daughter
kept staring at me for a while even after I had finished my scripted compassion. After full two minutes of staring, she asked, “Meta AI?”
Before I could suitably adjust from embarrassment
to acknowledgement, she took out her phone and
WhatsApped, “What does it mean when mom is trying to be overly sweet?
The damn AI replied,“
1. She is trying to make a good impression.
2, She wants something.
3. She is feeling guilty.
4. She is trying to connect.
5. She is being manipulative.”
And it concluded, “It is important to have an honest conversation with your mom. Ask what’s behind
her sweetness.”
‘Behind her sweetness!!??!!!’
My daughter looked at me with her mischievous
smile, raising both the brows simultaneously. “This
is Artificial Intelligence Maa. It is absolutely cool, but
not wise. Can I ever, in my right senses, ask you, what
is behind your sweetness? I know I would get too
honest an answer on my cheek.”
You know sometime back, while watching the TV,
I was a worried woman, thinking AI would overpower
ME. Nay, the human world, you see, is full of ‘hummm… and ‘2 minutes’ understandings. The AI will
scratch its head 10 times before it could reach the
insurmountable depths of human wisdom.