Solutions for ailing senior citizens in nuclear families

 

 

Recently, I happened to watch a Marathi movie ‘Juna Furniture’ (old furniture) brilliantly scripted directed and acted by Mr Mahesh Manjrekar. The movie deals with the same topic, which Mr Vijay Phanshikar, in his ‘Loud Thinking’ published in today’s ‘The Hitavada CityLine’ rightly expressed regarding the problems of ailing parents left behind at home, with their children abroad. In the movie the son and daughter in law of elderly parents stay in the same city, but are too busy to answer the father’s call when his mother suffers from heart attack. Since the son has invested the entire pension of his father for his future financial security, his father is unable to provide medical help to his wife, having no cash in hand. In reality too elderly parents are left to fend for themselves since their children mostly are relocated in other cities or foreign countries.

 

It is comparatively easier for the children staying in India to visit their parents frequently, especially during their ailment as commuting is easy. It becomes difficult for children staying abroad to visit their parents frequently. They cannot be even blamed since circumstances in foreign countries are different and difficult to fathom. The glamour of settling down in foreign countries is still very high. There the life is fast paced, with high cost of living. Demanding jobs, job insecurity, both partners in full time jobs, long commutes, household responsibilities with lack of unaffordable domestic help add to their daily workload.

 

Participating in religious functions, and cultural events for bonding with fellow Indians are pretty time consuming. Parents actively engage in their children's education and extracurricular activities. These factors collectively contribute to the fast-paced life for Indian families settled abroad, as they navigate the demands of work, education, community involvement, and personal aspirations. Regular communication too becomes a weekly or scheduled affair due to differences in the time zones. Under such circumstances frequent visits to ailing parents even if they want to, is too much to be expected from the children. Parents when visiting their children in their hay days witness these struggles and fast paced life of their children. Since population of senior citizens is on the rise, certain arrangements need to be worked out and agreed by both parents and children.

 

Parents whose children have settled in other cities of India, should start liquidating their assets and relocate to stay close to their children's apartments. (not with them). This way both can be helpful to each other with privacy and independence of both generations taken care of. I have seen many senior citizens relocating, staying close to their wards happy with this arrangement. If children are staying abroad parents can relocate to other cities close to their relatives or friends. Birds of same feather should flock together. Planning at a right time and before it is too late can save a lot of heartburn in the future. Another option is timely enrollment in reputable Retirement Homes or Assisted Living facilities that offers medical aid and community environment. Regular communication with children and grandchildren, seeking assistance from nearby relatives, friends or neighbours can kill loneliness. Focusing on maintaining good physical, mental and social health remains the key to remain happy and smile even when the end is approaching. ‘Children alone can’t be blamed for choosing to live abroad’

 

I read the article in LOUD THINKING about children abroad and parents at home. I fully agree and appreciate his views. The most important thing is that loud thinker is not blaming children alone. This is a new norm now and a common picture in every household. But the question is, is this a problem only with Indian families? What do they do in USA ? Even in USA, elders live alone, children do not live with the parents. Then how do they manage same problem? There are good senior citizen homes where they enjoy a lot.

 

They go for picnic on weekends, they laugh together and enjoy and the children visit them occasionally and the medical expenses and medical treatment are all taken care of. Now, here in India, my son felt dejected and thought that injustice was done to him when he missed IIT admission but his peers could get it with much less marks, thanks to reservation system. Now he is well settled in US with no intention to return. What ever may be the reason, but now almost every household has the same picture. The society where we live, have almost twenty families, facing the same issue but we all bond together very well so there is no problem of loneliness.

 

According to me the best solution is well equipped three star, five star assisted living facilities where not more than 100 seniors can live together. seniors can bond and share with each other, they can eat and talk and enjoy with each other, take morning walks in the garden with each other read books, play cards, watch TV with each other. The senior citizens homes with 3 star 4 star facilities is the only solution where everyone can get best medical facilities along with same age peer company. Obviously money is not the problem for these people, as children are ready with their dollars but are thrifty with their time. The advantage of this is three fold: 1) Our country will earn in dollars. 2) If such assisted livings with great facilities come up in every city, it will definitely generate lots of employment as you need plumbers, electricians, laundry nurses, cooks, helpers and what not. 3) Security of seniors and emotional satisfaction. It will be a will be a win-win situation for all. parents, children as well as society. ‘Children going abroad need to be considered from many angles’

 

 

Dear Sir, apropos the article and the concern expressed by Mr Vijay Phanshikar under ‘Loud Thinking’ on today's burning topic of children going abroad and leaving parents at home is worth considering through various angles. There is no doubt that the parents need the company of their children in their old and dependable age. Even the children who are quite educated and talented are also aware of this problem. They do love parents. But they leave the parents and also the country under compelling circumstances. And, in the example cited in the article, that the boy who comes to say goodbye to parents before leaving for foreign country for higher education and better job do know that such situation will be there. It’s a very hard decision for him.

 

He too bids goodbye with a very heavy heart. The other important aspect is the parents, particularly middle class educated, educate the children with sole aim that his children will prosper and will get best jobs. And keeping in view this aim he provides all educational facilities to his children. One thing cannot be ignored that the working conditions and social/financial security as well as political situation are also the indirect factors to take such decisions.

 

Every year more than one lakh talented boys and girls are going abroad from India. And how many foreign students are coming here for education or jobs ? We therefore, need an in-depth study, considering all the aspects which attract the youngsters to leave their parents and the country forever. After all who (children and parents alike) would not like to stay with their own relatives and in their own country.