The power of saying ‘NO’

 

 

IT WAS a Saturday and I had called a friend over to my house. It was the first time I was playing a host, and I was trying to be the best host possible, sticking to our Indian ethos. Soon we found ourselves chilling in my room, and conversations veered to personal ones over chocolate cookies, mangoes and choco-chip slice cake. The evening was unfolding in a chilled relaxed way. Her phone rang. It was our colleague. The next day was a Sunday, and she wanted my guest to put in for her the next day at the office. My guest got unsettled, and dished out a certain lame excuse for being late even if she did go the next day. But when pushed a bit by my colleague on the other side, she gave in and agreed to go to the office on Sunday. A thick silence followed after she put down the phone. The giggles and smiles seemed to have filled the room in some distant past. She sat there staring at the phone, and I- staring at her. It was as if someone had asked her for a piece of her heart, instead of some time on a Sunday. “I just LOVE my Sundays to myself, you know!” she said with a frown. Silence followed again. I took a bite from my burger, and asked, “You can’t say ‘No’, right?” A smile broke through her lips, even as the frown on the brow remained intact, and she said sheepishly, “Yes.” Sure, now she would go on the Sunday and pitch in for the colleague, but that set me wondering. Is it or is it not disservice to everyone- the colleague and herself included- to agree to do something that you absolutely do not want to do? Why do we have a problem saying a polite ‘No’ to people?

 

Why is so much taboo associated with ‘No’? Why can’t people take ‘No’ for an answer? Everyone has a personal life, and it is our duty to keep it sacrosanct by maintaining a boundary, else we’ll be reduced to a people-pleaser without a personal life whatsoever. That took me back to my earlier workplace where my friend told me a story which I was horrified to hear. I love listening to love stories of real people, and so asked her to tell me how she met her boyfriend- what their story was. She went on to say that she was not at all interested in the guy, but he persisted. Eventually in order to not hurt him, she relented, even though she still wasn’t attracted to him, and said yes. It petrified me! Really? Living a lie all your life? For how long can someone live a lie? Is it not disservice to herself and the guy if she continues to live with him despite not really having a liking for him? At some point, the guy will know. What then? ‘Honesty is the best policy’ is a very clichéd statement, but its value can never be overrated. Staying true to yourself is very important if relationships are to be maintained. Living a lie may be OK in the short term, but I believe it can never take a relationship farther than that. As I read somewhere- ‘A clear rejection is always better than a fake promise.’ You may think you saved the person from getting hurt, but the fact is that when the truth reveals itself, the other person will be more hurt than if a clear ‘No’ had been said in the first place! Equally important is to take ‘No’ as an answer without poking a hole in our bloated egos. Everyone has a personal life. If someone has said ‘No’ for something, that has to be respected and taken in the right spirit. A person might choose to do nothing and just sleep away on a Sunday instead of accompaning someone for lunch- that’s totally the person’s choice! So, let’s stick to honesty instead of people-pleasing, and maintain healthy truthful relationships!