' Redefine your goals & aspirations '

By RITA AGGARWAL (Consulting Psychologist) :

Q. Lately I’ve been struggling with overwhelming feelings, difficulty sleeping and trouble concentrating due to work pressure. I enjoy my work, but I am unable to set necessary boundaries for myself. I keep feeling like if I don't go out of the way to do something, I'm not giving my 100%. And later, I end up falling sick even though I know I should have a work life balance. How do I deal with this? Please guide.

Ans. This happens when you are trying hard to prove something to others and trying to please others. As it often happens it impacts you negatively as you neglect yourself as you put others above yourself. It is good you enjoy your work and have set high targets for yourself, but if it is stressing you out, it means your high goals are unachievable and need to be redefined. Reset your goals according to your capacity and comfort. Take a break, call it leisure time and get off the work treadmill. Anonymous .

Q. I am a 26-year-old female living in Jabalpur. I am in a relationship with a boy who is 3 years older than me. I'm happy because he is just the way I wanted my partner to be and I really want to make this relationship work. However, he had a bad breakup about 2 years ago, from which he has considerably moved on, but he is someone who doesn't know how to express himself, because of which I often feel maybe he has not fully moved on from the past. On the other hand, I know he is someone who will not play with anybody's feelings to get attention, so I feel maybe it's just me who is overthinking. Please help.

Ans. This is a difficult question and a sensitive one. If you question him too much about the past, he may not like it and if you don’t, he may not open up after all. One way could be to convey to him that you are open to hearing anything if he is willing or wanting to share. That message is good enough assurance for him to express his thoughts and feelings if he wants to do so. Your comforting stance should be a good communication. Forget the rest and the past and enjoy the present. He is there with you and that is the best moment for you

Q. I have a friend who has been experiencing recurring intrusive thoughts and struggles to control his worries. Since some days he has also been very low on confidence, which is affecting his work productivity. He had an emotionally abusive relationship earlier, and we were guessing maybe that is the reason behind whatever is happening, but we were not able to figure out anything concrete. These thoughts are causing him distress and affecting his sleep and daily functioning. I believe he may benefit from professional intervention, and I'm seeking advice on how to approach the topic with him sensitively and encourage him to seek therapy. Please guide!

Ans. Past traumas can impact the present and future mental health in ways that are unclear to the person suffering. An emotionally abusive relationship does leave scars which need healing. If he does not agree for psychological help, let him try meditation practices, such as heartfulness practices which help heal the mind and negative emotions. Any method which appeals to him may work for him. It could be the first step towards healing.

RITA AGGARWAL

Note: Readers are requested to write short queries in approx 150 to 200 words. Furthermore, do not use abbreviations in career queries to avoid confusion. The columnist can be reached at rita_aggarwal@hotmail.com or visit www.manodaya.org for further details