‘Get out of the victim mindset’
| Date :16-Mar-2025 |
By RITA AGGARWAL (Consulting Psychologist) :
Q. I teach in a school. Since the last few months, I have been
feeling a lack of confidence in myself, I don't feel good about
anything at all. An incident at the workplace might be the reason where I had to face backlash for somebody else's mistake.
And with that came insecurities, and feeling low confidence,
and so on. I am always in fear of whether I will fail in my
work, I will not be able to have the confidence I used to have
and it all seems to fall apart I really don’t understand what to
do. How to cope with the situation? Please help me.
Ans. Yes, workplace stress is real and it happens all the time. But
being punished for someone else’s mistake is injustice. If you are
actually the victim then why should you blame yourself when you
know you are not guilty. You have not done anything wrong and
still have to suffer for whatever reasons, which could be many. It
could be the ignorance of the senior who punished you, or it could
be deliberate, to protect someone stronger or more important which
is unfair. Either you digest this unfair treatment and forget about
it or then fight a battle for justice by picking up the issue. Consider
whether it is worth the trouble. One thing which you should not
do is -to blame yourself and lose your mind. Keep calm and maintain your respect and dignity. Believe in yourself and be self -
assured. You are strong enough to bear some people’s follies. We
do get ‘victimised’ in life.
YZ
Q. I am 30 years old and I am from Mumbai. I want to share
a matter regarding my mother. I grew up in a very happy environment. While growing up I have always seen my mother and
father as a happy couple. They have been an example of a
loving couple for so many years. I have never ever felt a bit of
discomfort or any problems among them. Last year my mother and father got divorced and it was really surprising and at
the same time disheartening for our family and friends to see
such a wonderful couple setting their path in different ways.
For 29 years none of us felt there was any issue or something
going on. At the time of divorce, all of us had a meeting and
asked for reasons for the divorce but no one got a convincing
answer for that. After all this, it was difficult for me to comprehend the situation and it was really shocking and I felt so
bad for my mom and dad as well and I used to think all the
time what might be the reason for their separation. My mom
by then became a little introverted and used to talk less. I didn’t really realise that she was in some trauma and it had
impacted her behavior on such a severe level. One day I took
my mother to a restaurant, we ordered our food and suddenly some sauce got spilled on the table by the waiter’s hand
and my mother took the sauce in her hand and started laughing and showing the sauce in her hand to all of the people sitting around the restaurant. I took her to a psychiatrist too, but
I see no changes in her despite medication. Please help me
out in this situation.
Ans. Thanks for sharing the sad story. It seems clear that your
mother suffers from a mental health condition and that may be the
reason for the strange divorce. I am unable to comment on the reasons and the problems mentioned. The best advice would be to
follow the treatment of the psychiatrist on a long-term basis and
also seek another opinion from another psychiatrist. The opinion
of a clinical psychologist could be sought too. It would help.
Note: Readers are requested to write short queries in approx 150 to 200 words. Furthermore, do not use abbreviations in career queries to avoid confusion. The columnist can be reached at rita_aggarwal@hotmail.com or visit www.manodaya.org for further details.
