In Jest

Pills, Plates, And Prohibition

EVERY morning, at an unearthly hour of 4.30 am, the alarm rings - twice in succession. One signals,‘Rise & Shine’, and the other is a reminder of popping a pill - first of the many that I ingest throughout the day. Even before I brush my teeth, I gulp the tiny pill - to keep my thyroid in check. It’s supposed to be taken on an empty stomach for it to have an effect on the non-functional gland in my body. As the day goes by, the medicinal buffet comes into play - a colourful array of pills are arranged ..

Totally App-sessed

“Oh My God!” I had started hyperventilating. I wasn’t able to locate my phone. Five minutes had gone by and I hadn’t checked the phone. I could hear faint ‘ping, ping’, which meant that notifications were being received, and now the state of affairs is such that if I don’t check the phone every two minutes, it seems that something major is amiss. I searched frantically for it, like a sniffer dog looking for drugs, I concentrated on the direction from where the pings were emanating, and I was finally ..

The Cliché Chronicles

“AND amidst us we have, as Chief Guest of today’s function, Aasawari Shenolikar, who has very kindly agreed to grace the occasion,” the anchorstated. I,sittingon thedais, smilingly acknowledged theMasterofCeremony, and gracefully accepted the sapling that was presented to me. But the thought running through my mind was, “Ah! Here we go again.” I knew exactly what was coming next - because after attending innumerable functions - some as a Guest, a few as one among the many spectators - I sort of knew ..

Running fashionably late

“Ma’am, even though the pooja will be over by 1 pm, you and Sir please come at 1.30 pm for the Prasad.” Jaya was explicit in her instructions, while inviting me and my better half for Prasad at her home. The reason for ‘half an hour after the culmination of the pooja’ was, “You always arrive ten minutes before the appointed time,” which was followed by an emoticon that signified ‘embarrassment’. What I could read between the lines was that ‘my reaching at the appointed hour is many a time a source ..

Lost in translation

“Hi, can you give me a kilo of minced meat?” I asked the butcher. My son-in-law loves goat mutton, and in the USA, where he is currently stationed, goat mutton is a rare commodity. So whenever I go to Chicago, the first thing that we do - my son-in-law and I - is travel 25 miles to shop for goat mutton, so that he can have his fill, till my next visit. But that’s not the hard part - as I realised during my last visit. The real challenge is communicating in ‘English’. Yes, you read that right. I mean ..

Weight & See

“CHUTKI bhar sindoor ki keemat tum kya jaano, Dev Babu,” was what kept running through my mind when discussion at the coffeetable centered around Vinesh Phogat’s 100 gms debacle. While the group debated hotly the Phogat case - some talking in favour, others not so favourably, my thoughts raced to the countless times when a matter of grams may have meant, in my case anyway, the difference between life and death. The pesky grams, that one might think of to be totally insignificant, canmake - or break ..